You're A Sponge (Soak Carefully)

I woke up this morning kind of blah. Not sad, nothing was wrong, I had gotten plenty of sleep, but just blah. I spent a bit of time figuring out what happened and within minutes I got it.

1. I saw a musical last night that was sort of emotionally overwhelming. It was a lot of sad situations and a lot of talking about wondering about the 'what-ifs' in life.
2. The last conversations I had last night and the first this morning were of negative context. Not anything bad just the regular eye-rolling type of stuff.
3. I had a phone call to make that made me a little nervous. Again, nothing serious, something great actually, but the fear of the unknown was there.

1 + 1 + 1 = oh no, let's go back to bed!

We MUST be careful with what we take in. We have to be (bonus points if you hear Tom Hanks in You've Got Mail saying "she has to be! she has to be!"). You are your own advocate for your life. What you read, watch, say, think, talk about, hear, and absorb directly affect you.

It's often easy to forget that the people we encounter daily affect us the most. It's definitely easy to forget that griping or complaining or finding common things to sigh over, is not acceptable. And here's why that's tricky: the general consensus of society is that it IS acceptable! And you better join in! No. No, no, no. If the people you deal with are bringing you down, do something about it. If they're super important people so you can't just peace out on them (you know, family, friends, loved ones, etc), then start changing the way you speak and allow to be spoken to. If the agreement you have going is that you both listen to each other talk about all the harrddd things in your liiiiffe, make a new agreement. Shoot, you don't even have to tell them. Just start talking about different things, be positive, give compliments, share what you're excited about. They'll step up. You are a sponge. What you soak up, gets in. Soak carefully.

You were not put on this planet to be upset. You were not given this gift of a new day to complain or feel bad for yourself. Figure out what's causing your wah-wahs, do something about it, and choose to make today amazing. Okay, ready? Go!

Mustard Seed Sessions: Interview with Stephanie of The Loudmouth Lifestyle

I'm so excited to share this interview with Stephanie Shar from The Loudmouth! Steph is bold, talented, and carving out a path for herself in one of my favorite cities, Los Angeles. 

Make sure to check out her blog, instagram, and e-book to get more Steph in your life!

1. What's a day in your life like?

As a writer/blogger/shop owner/aspiring model/soon-to-be consultant, every day is a little different!  But, it goes something like this... I usually wake around 7 or 8 when my boyfriend gets up for work, and I don't actually start anything serious until 9. During these early morning hours, I take my time eating breakfast while checking my phone, social media, email and my favorite blogs. I try to respond to everything ASAP so that I don't forget, because I tend to do that.  After that I'll normally work on something easy like a just-for-fun post, link roundup or guest post. Around 11 I really get down to business, and then in the afternoon I'll take a long break to nap, take a walk or run errands.  If I just stay in the house all day on my computer, I get crazy.  I go back to writing around 4 and work diligently until 8.  After that I'll read, hang out with the boyf and relax.  Now that I'm pregnant I get tired super early and usually head to bed around 9 or 10!  I wrote all about my daily schedule here.

2. What prompted you to start your blog?

I've wanted to write for a living since I was 7, but I never knew exactly what to write.  I went from short stories and poetry, to novels, to scripts and sketches.  I finally discovered blogging in 2010 and started The Loudmouth Lifestyle, which started as a fashion blog, but now focuses on self-help, self-love and living to the fullest!  It's the perfect place to fulfill my goals of inspiring and empowering women, and I've recently begun writing e-books as well.

3. Is your business/blog your full time job? If not, what else do you do? If yes, how long were you doing it before it became full time?

I am proud to say that it's now my full-time job, though getting to this point hasn't been easy!  I've been publicly blogging since 2010, but I've been writing in general for the last 20 years!

4. What would you tell your 20-year old self?

I would tell her to get cracking on your dreams sooner than later. :) I don't think it's ever too late, though sometimes I do wish I had started earlier.  I just didn't have the confidence. 

5. What's the worst job you've ever had?

Fortunately, my past jobs haven't been too bad, but I have had to deal with some mean bosses.  One of them was sexist, racist and wouldn't give us breaks.  He also almost fired me for wearing jewelry with my uniform.  Now, I get to wear sweatpants and eat at my computer!

6. What's the best piece of advice you've ever gotten?

It was from my dad. I was a teenager and I had a huge crush on a boy that didn't give two shits about me. My dad told me, “don't ever put more effort into a relationship than the other person.” Even though he said those words so long ago, I learned that on my own, over and over again, the hard way. I am the type of person who sometime cares TOO much about other people and can forget about myself. I've become more selfish, in a good way. You need to have a healthy balance of love for yourself and others. This can be applied to business, too -- if you have a business partner and you're putting in more effort than they, something needs to change.

7. What's the hardest part about pursuing a "non-traditional" career? The best part?

The hardest part, for me, is the fact that most of my friends and family are more traditional.  A lot of them don't really "get" what I'm doing and it's difficult to explain or earn their support.  I've always been a pretty independent person, and that's been really helpful in starting my own business, since I don't have a team backing me up.  That leads me to the next question -- I love working for myself!  Though I plan to someday higher a photographer, videographer, and office assistant, it's not possible right now and I am totally okay with that.  I'm learning a lot and having fun and I'm always busy, which is so fulfilling.

8. What inspires you?

Other blogs and books, and getting offline!  I usually find the most inspiration when I'm traveling or exploring my own city.  Immersing yourself in a different environment is so refreshing and I always come back to my work with new ideas.

Happy Monday, Anne Has Something Important To Say

a friend sent me a link the other day to a blog I'd never been on for a purpose other than finding this. but then, I found this and the fireworks exploded and the lightbulbs flashed and these words settled comfortably into my heart in an 'oh we know you' way. the blog post noted Ms. Lamott had written this in a facebook post so I set off to find the whole thing, which I've copied in its entirety below. that might be the wrong use of it(')s, I don't know, I don't care. this is not about me, this is about her words. oh her words. so spot on. bathe in them. drink them. take them in slowly, the way you do a new lover because these words are about to own your heart.

the part above is what resonated with me the most except every time I read it, I change my mind with what resonates with me the most. the image of someone sitting by the pool, covered up, hesitating to go in for fear of that thigh jiggle. it's so delicious that idea and so spot on for being an artist and a human and how does she write like this?

mm okie doke that's all from me today. would love to know your thoughts in the comments but if you're too busy running off to write your book or paint something, I understand. I understand.

__

There's a whole chapter on perfectionism in Bird by Bird, because it is the great enemy of the writer, and of life, our sweet messy beautiful screwed up human lives. It is the voice of the oppressor. It will keep you very scared and restless your entire life if you do not awaken, and fight back, and if you're an artist, it will destroy you.

My pastor said last Sunday that if you don't change directions, you are going to end up where you are headed. Is that okay with you, to end up still desperately trying to achieve more, and to get the world to validate your parking ticket, and to get your possibly dead parents to see how amazing you always were?

This is not going to happen. They are either so dead, like mine are, or they are insatiable, or so relieved that you did not end up divorced--or if you did, then heavily into drugs, like the Woodson girl, or more out of shape than you are, like Esther's son. It's hopeless, and this is the good news.

Putting those tiny pesky parental voices aside, what about, oh, say, the entire rest of the world?

Do you mind even a little that you are still addicted to people-pleasing, and are still putting everyone else's needs and laundry and career ahead of your creative, spiritual life? Giving all your life force away, to "help" and impress. Well, your help is not helpful, and falls short.

Look, I struggle with this. I hate to be criticized. I am just the tiniest bit more sensitive than the average bear. And yet, I'm a writer, so I periodically put my work out there, and sometimes like all writers, I get terrible reviews, so personal in nature that they leave me panting. Even with a Facebook post, like the last one, do you have any idea what it's like to get 500-plus negative attacks, on my character, from truly bizarre strangers.

Really, it's not ideal.

Yet, I get to tell my truth. I get to seek meaning and realization. I get to live fully, wildly, imperfectly. That's why I'm alive. And all I actually have to offer as a writer, is my version of life. Every single thing that has happened to me is mine. As I've said a hundred times, if people wanted me to write more warmly about them, they should have behaved better

Is it okay with you that you blow off your writing, or whatever your creative/spiritual calling, because your priority is to go to the gym or do yoga five days a week? Would you give us one of those days back, to play or study poetry? To have an awakening? Have you asked yourself lately, "How alive am I willing to be?" It's all going very quickly. It's mid-May, for God's sake. Who knew. I thought it was late February.

It's time to get serious about joy and fulfillment, work on our books, songs, dances, gardens. But perfectionism is always lurking nearby, like the demonic prowling lion in the Old Testament, waiting to pounce. It will convince you that your work-in-progress is not great, and that you may never get published. (Wait, forget the prowling satanic lion--your parents, living or dead, almost just as loudly either way, and your aunt Beth, and your passive-aggressive friends, whom we all think you should ditch, are going to ask, "Oh, you're writing again? That's nice. Do you have an agent?")

Oh my God, what if you wake up some day, and you're 65, or 75, and you never got your memoir or novel written; or you didn't go swimming in warm pools and oceans all those years because your thighs were jiggly and you had a nice big comfortable tummy; or you were just so strung out on perfectionism and people-pleasing that you forgot to have a big juicy creative life, of imagination and radical silliness and staring off into space like when you were a kid? It's going to break your heart. Don't let this happen. Repent just means to change direction--and NOT to be said by someone who is waggling their forefinger at you. Repentance is a blessing. Pick a new direction, one you wouldn't mind ending up at, and aim for that. Shoot the moon.

Here's how to break through the perfectionism: make a LOT of mistakes. Fall on your butt more often. Waste more paper, printing out your shitty first drafts, and maybe send a check to the Sierra Club. Celebrate messes--these are where the goods are. Put something on the calendar that you know you'll be terrible at, like dance lessons, or a meditation retreat, or boot camp. Find a writing partner, who will help you with your work, by reading it for you, and telling you the truth about it, with respect, to help you make it better and better; for whom you will do the same thing. Find someone who wants to steal his or her life back, too. Now; today. One wild and crazy thing: wears shorts out in public if it is hot, even if your legs are milky white or heavy. Go to a poetry slam. Go to open mike,and read the story you wrote about the hilariously god-awful family reunion, with a trusted friend, even though it could be better, and would hurt Uncle Ed's feelings if he read it, which he isn't going to.

Change his name and hair color--he won't even recognize himself.

At work, you begin to fulfill your artistic destiny. Wow! A reviewer may hate your style, or newspapers may neglect you, or 500 people may tell you that you are bitter, delusional and boring.

Let me ask you this: in the big juicy Zorba scheme of things, who fucking cares?

-- Anne Lamott from her Facebook page