Loudly, Bravely, Fully

This week was - oof. It sat on my chest until it felt like I couldn't breathe. Nothing was specifically wrong, and I find that's the worst. When something is wrong, specifically, it's easy to identify it and attack it head-on. When I just feel like everything is crashing in, that's when I feel sunk.

Which isn't to say I didn't have a hell of a week. Actually, I had the most fun I've had in awhile, out late nearly every night, seeing incredible art, keeping incredible company. I had a blast at silly auditions with girls who had zero sense of competition (the best) and at home recording funny dragon voices from my kitchen. Lunch dates, and dinner dates, and spending way too much money. Coaching artists and writing, planning, learning. Monday, in particular, I just did. I went to a dance audition with bravery in my eyes (and in my shoes), saw girlfriends I hadn't seen in awhile, went to SoulCycle after a month away, bought myself roses and sweet treats, and put on a fancy dress and heels to attend a wonderful one-night only event at Lincoln Center where it seemed like my entire industry had popped on their best bow-ties and shoes and showed up to say hi to a few hundred of their closest friends. We ended the night with drinks and snacks and conversation, and I came home and felt full in that delicious way. I took the whole day to just love myself loudly, bravely, fully.

Feelings can get tricky, can't they? We can be wildly happy and aching in pain within hours of each other, sometimes even at the same time. My heart doesn't stop aching with fear of the future or worry for someone just because I'm enjoying a concert or laughing with friends - all the layers live together. Feelings aren't mutually exclusive. Which is a long way to say don't believe the part of you that says just because you're sad, you can't be happy. You can be all things at once, feel all things at once. You're magical that way.

I wrote this on Instagram the other night and it seemed to really resonate with a lot of people. But I'll tell you a secret: as much as I am writing to you, I am writing to me. So I'm going to post it here, too. So I don't forget. So you don't forget.

Look, we might as well be real with each other, right? I think transparency and authenticity are incredibly sexy. Like, shaking the ground you walk on sexy. In a social media filled world, it's easy to cover, filter, or all together change yourself. But I think who you are - I mean, really and truly who you are - is absolutely delicious. Messy topknot, face mask slathered on, swirling thoughts, in bed with a book before 9pm, and all. The stains on your shirt, and the lines on your face, and the thoughts that you have are what make you, you. Don't hide it. Embrace those things. Fall in love with your own quirks, your mistakes, your questions, your chipped nail polish, your secret dreams, the way you snort when you laugh, and cry over commercials. Love all of it with everything you are. Meet your authentic self for tea every morning, and dates once a week, and in the mirror while you brush your teeth. Meet yourself so much that eventually you recognize the person staring back at you, in the same way we squint as an old friend comes slowly into view and then jump up and down in excitement when we realize it's really them, they're here, this person we've missed for so long. Get messy, get transparent, get authentic. The world needs you too much to hide.

p.s. that beautiful bracelet is compliments of Compliment. use code 'KERRY' at checkout to save $5 on anything in their shop.

p.p.s. one of my paintings is in an amazing auction that ends today. check out the items you can bid on here.

Beach Baby, Your Inner Weirdo & #GIRLBOSS

I think there's something you should know about me. I love Mondays. There! I said it. Secret's out.

Mondays excite and invigorate me. I get more done on Monday than any other day of the week, and most importantly, I get it done while feeling enthused and motivated and inspired. I know there's this cult feeling about Mondays that they suck, right? I've seen your pinterests, instagrams and facebook posts about it. If where you're heading on Monday morning, or what you're up to, does not make you want to throw confetti and have dance parties, then take that as a sign to start deciding what does make you want to throw a party to solely celebrate the start of the work week. And then start moving toward that.

Here's something else you should know about me: I love the beach. Oh I love it so much! I'm open to any and all beaches, and have enjoyed sand all up in my life everywhere from California beaches to Florida beaches to Maine beaches, with many in between. But I will tell you what, and this is coming from a girl who seriously loves the Pacific Coast (SoCal! NorCal! The NorthWest! and I don't mean Kayne's baby!) and Florida (summer thunderstorms are my favorite and Florida does warm rain right), there ain't no place like the Jersey Shore.

Am I completely biased? Yes. Did I grow up on these beaches? Yes. Does my Aunt have a home that I sneak off to as much as possible in the summer? Yes. But this is my blog so my biased butt is claiming Jersey beaches to be the best.

While soaking up rays this weekend, I finally joined the bandwagon and began to read #GIRLBOSS. This book is no joke. Sophia Amoruso went from being flat broke, unemployed, uninsured, and virtually doing nothing with her life to running the $150 million dollar brand and shop that we know and love as Nasty Gal. All in less than 8 years. Plus, girlfriend is 30. She's basically a newborn in the business world, and has no formal business training.

She blended listening to herself, trusting her gut, staying authentic to herself, and just doing the damn thing (aka taking action) into the most delicious life cocktail ever.

The reason I read books like this is to remind myself that not only is it doable but that my weird, artsy, non-rule following, dream chasing, action taking self is actually wonderfully made for greatness. There is something super weird about me that makes me a brilliant business owner and creative freak. Many days I pick on myself about these qualities, and I'm even known to whine about how I wish I was 'normal' (doesn't exist) once in awhile. But at the end of the day, I'm super stoked to be able to read a book like this and not even flinch when she mentions finding people and items off of Craigslist, hiring employees from things like Instagram feeds, and taking risk after risk. If this is the kind of place being weird takes me, then heck yes. Bring it on.

And this is true for all of us. We all have special things about us that make us exactly the right fit for the kind of life we desire. Isn't that so cool? You are already equipped with personality traits, quirks, and fascinating thoughts or skills that align with your greatness. It's just a matter of whether or not you choose to shove them aside, hide them in fear or doubt, or grab hold of them like they are the last bottle of coconut water and it is hotter than hell outside, waving them around in the air shouting 'look what I have, look what I have!'.

So, friends, I come to you with two questions:
1. Does Monday make you want to wear a cape, pop on a tiara, and eat cake for breakfast?
2. How can you use your unique qualities to better your life and go after your dreams?

While you're leaving your answers in the comments, tell me where your favorite beach is, k? Cool, love you, mean it, peace out beach bums.