Worth It; Or, Another Lesson from Layla June

 

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I posted an instagram the other day about Miss Layla June's tendency to throw middle of the night one-pup parties. She's the organizer of the event, and the only one who knows about it ahead of time. She rests up all day so that somewhere around 2 am she decides it's time to play. She crawls on my head, plays with my hair, sneezes and hacks up furballs, fluffs the blankets, bothers Henry, and jumps on and off the bed several times.

Layla June is not what I expected that sunshiney Saturday in Hollywood when we first met. My sweet, gentle darling was a ninja in secret, waiting until I signed the adoption papers to really get comfortable. That being said, she is a blessing and a gift to me in countless ways. Every time she drives me crazy or does something naughty, it really doesn't matter in the end. Her love outweighs her frustrating qualities. It's hard, but she's worth it.

That got me thinking: isn't everything great in this world part of that category? The things we never expected to be so hard, or take so long, or be so challenging, very often tend to be even better than we expected and totally worth it. I asked on instagram and got answers like:

• "My 3 month old daughter! She's not at all what I expected and neither is motherhood! It's harder than I could have imagined and yet it's totally worth it, like you said!"
• "Marriage! Even the second time around. We have to be careful of the fairytales that tell us at the end of the live story we live happily ever after. We have to work on the in between."
• "Recovering from brain surgery. I thought I'd be done by now and instead, I'm still in the thick of it. I had convinced myself that it was all about attitude but evidently my body disagrees."  
• "Madison. Madison is harder than I ever assumed and she's only a dog." 

That last one is from a fellow dog mama and made me laugh quite a bit.  But LOOK at these answers. These are hard things. Marriage, raising another human, recovering from brain surgery for goodness sake. Hard things that are so much more worth it than we imagined.

In our insta-everything world, we very often want what we want when we want it, like, right now. Now! Immediately! How great would it be if babies came potty trained, or we all instinctively knew how to do the things we want to pursue, or degrees were able to be picked off trees? Great, yes, but also kind of sad. It's in the earning, the navigating of these struggles, that we find the deeper joy in what we want.

Pursuing an acting career is one of the hardest things I've ever done. Luckily. But it is so much harder and more complicated than I thought it would be. For years (yeaaarrrss) I have wanted to be a part of Pilot Season, the time when all new tv shows are pitched and a pilot is made to determine if it will be a new show on a network. This year is the first year I am auditioning for pilots. Guess what? It's not at all what my conceptual idea of it was. I dreamed of pilot season as a time where I'd be in LA, driving from studio to studio, glamorous, looking great, and it being so simple. The reality of it is an insane amount of work and memorizing pages of lines very quickly, rushing from audition to audition, putting myself on tape nonstop to be sent to LA production teams. Last week, I even hid when I saw another audition come in. And yet, it's totally worth it.

Then there's Love. The conceptual idea of love is ever so delightful, right? Raising two rescue dogs out of their fears and behaviors continues to be incredibly challenging, and yet - so much love. Unconditional love. So worth the frustrations. Loving other people is not always an easy piece of cake but we know that's it's worth it in the end. A friend once told me he wanted to be wealthy, or at least set financially, before meeting anyone to be in a relationship with. I noted how much more it might mean to build up a life together, to grow side by side into success and wealth, that he didn't have to be "perfect" before allowing love into his heart. You'd have thought I just explained the meaning of life, his eyes got so wide. And yet, how often do we see folks in their 20's and 30's pushing off serious relationships until they get their lives "together", or have more money, or a higher title in the office, or some kind of success. In the meantime, they give up on people who they really care about and are missing the experience of something that, yes, can be really hard, yet is really incredible and worth navigating. Our expectations of relationships and what they're "supposed" to look like crush the chance of real love before we're even out of the gate. We can't control the order in which we are given things in our lives. But we can embrace each one with it's unique struggles and triumphs. Walking away from the hard things guarantees missing out on lessons and love carved out just for you.

It can seem tempting to give up on your dreams, your loved ones, your monetary goals, that crazy idea you have in the back of your head, but don't. If it's really hard, it's definitely worth it. And when you get those little glimpses of the light at the end of the tunnel, it makes it easier to keep going. Let each blessing hidden in your struggle turn into a stepping stone to launch you to the next step along the journey.

Okay, you tell me: what's something that has been unexpectedly hard in your life but is totally worth it? And if you have any hints on getting a Chihuahua-Ninja to sleep through the night, I'll take those, too ;) 

Loudly, Bravely, Fully

This week was - oof. It sat on my chest until it felt like I couldn't breathe. Nothing was specifically wrong, and I find that's the worst. When something is wrong, specifically, it's easy to identify it and attack it head-on. When I just feel like everything is crashing in, that's when I feel sunk.

Which isn't to say I didn't have a hell of a week. Actually, I had the most fun I've had in awhile, out late nearly every night, seeing incredible art, keeping incredible company. I had a blast at silly auditions with girls who had zero sense of competition (the best) and at home recording funny dragon voices from my kitchen. Lunch dates, and dinner dates, and spending way too much money. Coaching artists and writing, planning, learning. Monday, in particular, I just did. I went to a dance audition with bravery in my eyes (and in my shoes), saw girlfriends I hadn't seen in awhile, went to SoulCycle after a month away, bought myself roses and sweet treats, and put on a fancy dress and heels to attend a wonderful one-night only event at Lincoln Center where it seemed like my entire industry had popped on their best bow-ties and shoes and showed up to say hi to a few hundred of their closest friends. We ended the night with drinks and snacks and conversation, and I came home and felt full in that delicious way. I took the whole day to just love myself loudly, bravely, fully.

Feelings can get tricky, can't they? We can be wildly happy and aching in pain within hours of each other, sometimes even at the same time. My heart doesn't stop aching with fear of the future or worry for someone just because I'm enjoying a concert or laughing with friends - all the layers live together. Feelings aren't mutually exclusive. Which is a long way to say don't believe the part of you that says just because you're sad, you can't be happy. You can be all things at once, feel all things at once. You're magical that way.

I wrote this on Instagram the other night and it seemed to really resonate with a lot of people. But I'll tell you a secret: as much as I am writing to you, I am writing to me. So I'm going to post it here, too. So I don't forget. So you don't forget.

Look, we might as well be real with each other, right? I think transparency and authenticity are incredibly sexy. Like, shaking the ground you walk on sexy. In a social media filled world, it's easy to cover, filter, or all together change yourself. But I think who you are - I mean, really and truly who you are - is absolutely delicious. Messy topknot, face mask slathered on, swirling thoughts, in bed with a book before 9pm, and all. The stains on your shirt, and the lines on your face, and the thoughts that you have are what make you, you. Don't hide it. Embrace those things. Fall in love with your own quirks, your mistakes, your questions, your chipped nail polish, your secret dreams, the way you snort when you laugh, and cry over commercials. Love all of it with everything you are. Meet your authentic self for tea every morning, and dates once a week, and in the mirror while you brush your teeth. Meet yourself so much that eventually you recognize the person staring back at you, in the same way we squint as an old friend comes slowly into view and then jump up and down in excitement when we realize it's really them, they're here, this person we've missed for so long. Get messy, get transparent, get authentic. The world needs you too much to hide.

p.s. that beautiful bracelet is compliments of Compliment. use code 'KERRY' at checkout to save $5 on anything in their shop.

p.p.s. one of my paintings is in an amazing auction that ends today. check out the items you can bid on here.

Mustard Seed Sessions: PORTRAITS FOR PITS

I fell in love with Portraits for Pits on instagram recently. After a quick exchange of a few emails, I also fell head over heels for the couple that started it (and their sweet pup, Olly, of course). Steve and Evie make amazing portraits of dogs (and cats) based off of photos sent from loving owners. They offer digital or printed prints and donate 10% to BADRAP rescue, located near to them in the Bay Area of California. Aside from their amazing work to spread the good truth about pitbulls and help those in need, I love that they started this whole business from a simple idea to have a contest and give away several portraits. When we take action on an idea without worrying what will happen or how it will happen, but just take the action, amazing things happen. After reading their interview, make sure to check out their facebook page and tumblr.

Mustard Seed Co: What's a day in your life like? 

Portraits For Pits: Our days start with breakfast and coffee. When you take four years of art school, you learn to love your coffee. We spend most of the day painting digitally at our laptop computers. Sometimes we paint at home and sometimes we go out and work elsewhere. We can be found working on a range of things from pet portraits for Portraits for Pits, to a variety of other freelance and personal projects that we happen upon. 

We have a 5 year old, black-and-white pit bull named Ollydog (aka Olly / Oliver / Smally / PrinceOlly / Mr.Olly / AllsBalls / OllyBally/ WiggleButt / PoopFace / GoopGoop / SmooshFace / TheBaby / WrinkleFace / SealDog / WhaleBaby / NakedOrca etc.). We found Olly almost three years ago on Mount Baldy in Los Angeles just after a snow storm. He was standing in the middle of the road, skin and bones, clearly wondering whether we would stop to help him. We lured him towards us with some left over french fries and found that he was wearing a collar with the brand name "Ollydog", but no tags. The park ranger told us that people dump their dogs up there in the wilderness all of the time. We left our number just in case anyone lost him, but no one ever called. Olly is ours until the end of his days and a true daddy's boy. 

MSC: What prompted your business?

PFP: We both love Olly and pit bulls in general. Like many, we despise the negative stigma that people have shamelessly branded on pit bulls and other bully breeds like them. Portraits for Pits started as Steve's idea to host an Instagram contest where people could post and hashtag a picture of their pit bull or pit-mix along with a description of their dog's loving disposition or amazing rescue story. Steve and I each painted a series of 10 free portraits for those chosen from the contest entries. This contest was to raise positive awareness about the true nature of pit bulls, but there was a lot of interest and it only made sense to continue with it and donate some of the profits. We of course make portraits for all breeds and cats too with donations going to non-profit bully rescues, Bad Rap being our personal choice. We also continue to share the stories of these dogs so that anyone who views the portraits can not only learn more about their individual personalities and backgrounds, but discover that pit bulls are just as loving and good as any other dog or cat for that matter. We want to be part of the movement that shatters negative stereotypes against these dogs and we want to see an end to BSL (breed specific legislation).

MSC: Is your business/art your full time job? If not, what else do you do? If yes, how long were you doing it before it became full time?

PFP: Portraits for Pits is currently a part-time gig and only 12 weeks old according to our Instagram feed. We currently operate through word-of-mouth, but hope for it to keep growing and see where this takes us. We tend to stay busy either working on other freelance/illustration projects or just our own personal work.

MSC: What would you tell your 20-year old self? 

PFP: Well, haha, I'm 25 and Steve is 24 so we have not come too far from 20 just yet and still have a lot to learn and discover.

MSC: What's the worst job you've ever had?

PFP: I have worked a lot in retail and it's just not for me. Steve worked at a pizza place through college and liked it aside from cleaning the restroom after kids parties. I don't know if you've seen that scene from Daddy Daycare, but yeah, that.

check out their Ollydog above, posing with some recent portraits!

MSC: What's the best piece of advice you've ever gotten?

PFP: Beauty and knowledge fades, but character is long lasting. 

MSC: What's the hardest part about pursuing a "non-traditional" career? The best part?

PFP: A lot of people will question you and won't really get it. On the flip side, you're probably a lot happier than those people.

MSC: What inspires you?

PFP: Artistically, we each get a healthy dose of fresh art from the blogs we subscribe to. Both of us went to school studying Visual Development for the entertainment industry such as games and film. Because of that, we "follow" a lot of designers working at places like Pixar, Disney, and Dreamworks as well as independent illustrators all over the world. We also love anything vintage. Steve can't get enough of 60's advertisement illustrations right now. Mostly we just love to see people doing their own thing. It's always nice for us to see people who paint all day for a living, go home and keep painting. This is not just a job, but a passion.

Thank you so much, Steve, Evie and Olly! Remember to check out their amazing art and purchase one for your own pup.